


Autumn Days

by AllOutEreri



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Autumn, Feels, M/M, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-02
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-02-23 20:56:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2555354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllOutEreri/pseuds/AllOutEreri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Take a walk with me through memory lane.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Autumn Days

**Author's Note:**

> Some words such as "asked" "answered" "smiled" "fault" is repeated throughout this story. I am still working on extending my vocabulary. But other than that please enjoy this one shot that I have written myself.

Jeans POV

I sat on the rooftop staring at the trees with falling leaves and the beautiful sun rise on a cold autumn morning. This became my new autumn routine. To try my best to get out of bed before the sun rises and quietly climb to the roof top to stare at mother nature for a good half hour. As I focused my eyes more on the rising sun than the trees my ears heard birds chirping in the distance and some leaves ruffling telling me that the animals have finally awoken. Since I lived in the middle of forest and mountains. My parents were pretty rich and they decide to settle here an hour or two away from the actual city. Although it is pretty peaceful and a bit calming. The thought of that made me sigh as cold smoke came out of my mouth. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t realize that it was time to go back inside,sadly. I stood up taking one last glance at my surroundings and slowly climbed back in.I flinched when my feet touched the cold floor, I quickly slipped on some warm slippers and walked down over to the kitchen. I then made myself some of my morning coffee. I took small sips on my hot coffee while I walked up the stairs and into my room. Setting the coffee on top of my messy study desk, I turned on the T.V and forward myself to Netflix. I grab my warm coffee as I chose The Walking Dead and rewatched the last episodes of season four. I’m still pretty pissed off at Hershels death though. As time went on I realized that I was drinking nothing. I looked at the clock 9:08 it said in a green neon color. I let out an annoyed groan while running a hand through my hair. I reached to grab my phone on the right side of me. I looked at the lock screen that displayed a picture, time and date. Then all of the sudden realization hit me today was “the day”.

I stood up quickly,running to the bathroom to take a quick shower. Stepping out I see no towels hung anywhere. Right,its Saturday the day where Valeria,the cleaning lady,washes all of the clothes and towels.

“Fuck” I whispered under my breath searching everywhere for a towel,unfortunately for me there wasn’t any.

I let out an annoyed groan again.

‘Ok my room is just two rooms away. All I have to do was to pass by dads office and the mini library we have’ I thought to myself.

I peaked out and no one was there. I sighed in relief. And as I was about to bolt to my room I heard a voice and I knew I was fucked up then and there.

“Jean?” the feminine voice said in a soft tone. I placed my hand covering my dick and turned around. I was redder than a tomato due to the embarrassment.

“I swear I can explain” I said with a shaky voice feeling my knees tremble as I released those words out of my mouth.

“No need to-go get dressed” and with that I bolted my way to my room. Opening the closet, I grabbed some good black ripped skinny jeans and a white casual shirt. Walking towards my mirror, I fixed my hair just how I wanted it to be,took me a few tries but hey in the end it all worked out. I grabbed my phone and stuffing it in my pocket,after I slipped on a pair of socks then walked out of my room. I ran down the stairs and before I was about to open the closet full of shoes, my dad calls me from the living room.

“JEAN MY SON!” the voice echoed throughout the house.

“Well what the hell does this dude want now?” I asked myself, with the ‘no-I’m going somewhere-so shut the fuck up’ tone.

I walk into the living room to see my dad and my mom sitting on one of the long coaches. A bouquet of  red roses mixed with white ones, on my mother's arm. I slowly walked towards them still feeling the awkwardness from earlier.

“Your mother and I wanted to give you this-” he said and as my mother handed me the bouquet.

“We know today was well ‘the day’ and we felt the need to give you this. We know how much you loved,Marco” mom smiled at me. I suddenly remembered the time I first introduced Marco as my boyfriend to my parents.

_“Mom,dad this is M-marco my ugh….boy-friend” I stared at the ground a blush forming on my cheeks._

_"Hello Mr. and Mrs Kirschtein” Marco smiled at them as his gripped on my hand tighten just a bit._

_“Well I was looking forward to having grandkids but you two are such a cute couple” mom gave a cheesy compliment._

_“You chose a good one,son” dad patted me on the back._

Remembering such good memories gave me so much mixed emotions,because I thought when I was gonna introduce Marco, I thought my mom would give me to the orphanage or my dad would beat the absolute crap outta me. But I underestimated them, I learn that they were very accepting when they know I made a right choice or not.

“Oh uhm thanks” my thoughts snapped.

“Alright, you can go now. Be back before dinner” mom says and I walked back to the shoe closet with the bouquet of flowers in my hand. The walk from their to the living room felt so long. Maybe because I still haven’t overcome myself from-

“Ow” I rubbed my forehead when I had just bumped into a wall. I put my shoes on,grab my car keys and off I go.

The drive going ‘over there’ felt so alone and painful. I’ve been doing this monthly and till now I couldn’t help but shed a tear.

I parked my car in the empty parking lot. Taking my seat belt off and grabbing the bouquet of roses from beside me. I slowly walked towards the small black gate,opening it making a little creepy noise. I clenched the bouquet of roses in my left hand as I was walking towards him,feeling a cold wind breeze by me,carrying fallen autumn leaves with it. I sat down right in front of him,laying the roses in front of him.

“Hey” I greeted, curling my hands into fists.

“So hows it going?” I asked receiving no answer but the sound of the wind.

“Doing good I see” I nodded.

“So ugh Marco,I’ve been doing the ‘autumn morning routine’ thing that we used to do a lot.” I stared.

“Ugh schools still school but it hasn’t been the same without you” and now the tears fall.

“I can’t do this anymore,I’m starting to push people away again and I know you hated it when I did that”

“I still see your parents though,They’re very happy that I still visit them” I smiled feeling a tear drip on my hand.

“They miss you more than I do” I chuckled.

“Remember the time when your parents walked in on us having tickle fight. Oh gosh we both felt so embarrassed due to the fact that you pinned me to the ground. Good times.”

“Oh remember that time I was about to punch Eren but I ended up hitting you. Jesus I hated myself for that. It gave you a nosebleed and that punch was so close to give you a broken nose” I smiled remembering those good times but suddenly this one memory that I could never forget hit me.

“How bout the time we met? Remember that? man was I stupid”

_I was walking down the park and I stumbled upon a freckled boy braiding flowers together while leaning against a tree._

_“Dude what the fuck?” I asked with a confused look. I thought this was a little girl thing_ _._

_'Good first impression' my self conscious told me._

_“Hey” the boy smiled a wide sweet smile at me slightly brightening up my day._

_“Bro why?” I pointed at the almost finished braided flowers he was holding that was formed in a circle._

_“Oh this-"he looked down_

_"Just passing time” he answered going back to his braiding of flowers and I watched him finish it,slowly placing it on his head. He looked up at me and smiled,again._

_‘Damn those this dude ever stop smiling?’ I asked myself._

_“So what’s your name?” he asked me as I sat down beside him._

_“Jean-Kirschtein” I answered him in a so what serious tone._

_“Marco Bodt-anything bothering you?” you could hear the concern in his voice._

_“Huh oh nothing”_

_“You sure?”_

_“Yes-I’m fine” I lied and then suddenly a pair of brown eyes were staring deep into my soul._

_“You’re not fine” he said looking at me in a way he cares. I just met this guy and now this is happening._

_I gave out a sigh and decided to why not tell him my problems._

_Like its gonna affect him anyways._

_And it did._

I used to have problems with my grandparents,school,Jaeger and all that. I barely had problems with my parents since we barely talk and they’re busy but whenever they have a day off they usually spend it with me. But then theres my grandparents on my dads side. For some reason they hate me and they never told me why. I would ask dad but he would always change the topic into something completely different. I would tell Marco and for some reason he made everything 10x better.

“Oh ok remember the time I asked you out. Man I nearly pissed my pants.”

_It was a cold spring afternoon. I walked out the door watching the snow slowly melt off the sidewalk. And as the snow melts my guts decided to do the same thing. For today was the day I ask,Marco Bodt a friend for 2 years, to be my boyfriend. I didn’t really wanna do something big like spell out the words ‘Will you go out with me’ with flower petals or give him a surprise ‘Go out with me?’ party. Simply because I’m not that kind of guy to do that, I barely had people to join in and I don’t really have much time. Why? Because I was moving out of my house and into another one in the middle of nowhere. I know this is a really bad timing to ask him out. But I didn’t really grew the balls to do it sooner till now._

_So I stood there at our meeting spot,the tree where we first met. I was shaking and thinking thoughts like,”What if he says no?””Will he stop being a friend?” “Will he laugh?” and all those thoughts stopped when I saw him walking towards me with that smile he puts on._

_“Hi Jean!” he yelled making me blush just a little bit._

_“Hi”_

_“Anything wro-”_

_“I have to ugh ask you something” holy shit I sound lame as fuck._

_“Yeah sure”_

_“I was ugh wondering if you could ughhh possibly....maybe be my ugh boy-f-f-friend?” And in that moment I swear I was about to pass out from the sweat that I felt in between my armpits._

_Great I embarrassed myself and now I stink of gym socks._

_“OF COURSE” then I was pulled into a great big hug. I gotta admit that was the best day in my whole entire life. Then out of nowhere soft lips were pressed against mine. I felt eyes staring at eyes but hellz we didn’t give a single fuck._

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket causing me to snap out of my thoughts and back to the present. Connie had sent me a text.

“Jean we’re about to go to the movies wanna come?” it read.

‘I’d reply later’ I told myself.

And then that one memory that hunts me till this very day came across me.

_I was there standing looking at the incident. Anger built up in me. I wanted to run away. I wanted to kill myself. I felt useless. I couldn't do anything to save him.His car flipped upside down. Police everywhere and an ambulance truck right there. I cried. He died and it was all because of me._

_The very night I called him._

_"Hey Marco wanna hang out tonight?"_

_"Jean,I have homework to do and so do you"_

_"Please"_

_"Jean"_

_"Please" I sounded like a damn five year old._

_"Fine"_

_"Ok thanks love you"_

_"Love you too" and he hung up._

_Later I got news telling me that there was an accident. And the victim was a guy with black hair and freckles,name Marco Bodt._

_I blamed myself for his death because I forced him to hang out with me, I forced him to get in his car and drive over to my house. It all ended up in a crash. I never forgave myself. I tortured myself. I went through therapy and everything. Because the only person who I loved died and it was my fault. I was responsible for everything. I felt the need to go to jail and die there. I wanted to die._

My thoughts snapped out when I realized that I was clenching my fist as hard as I could. I calmed down a bit. I looked at the stone in front of me labelled with his name,birth and death.

"I'm sorry" I know he would never hear me.

I slowly stood up placing my hand on the cold stone.

"I really am and I love you" I whispered before walking out of the cemetery.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope that gave you some feels and that the ending was ok. I really didn't know how to end it well so there you go. I apologize if the title seems irrelevant to the story. I have nothing else to say other than a thank you for reading this.
> 
> Instagram  
> -AllOutEreri  
> and  
> -Kabaeyama
> 
> Tumblr  
> (triggering theme)  
> -Kidsinsxne


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